Christmas 2018

We managed to cram all of Christmas into one weekend with all of our family. We went down Friday night to spend the night at my parents. I took Zachary’s T-shirt blanket with us so I felt a part of him was with us. Friday night went fine. I cried a little hugging my Mom which is kind of why I wanted to spend the night the night before.

Saturday. I woke up early as I like to have coffee with my parents just me and them. It’s a special time when no one else is awake, no other siblings are there, and it’s just us. After getting ready, we went to eat at my Father-In-Law and Donnie’s house. Lunch went great. I got a little teary eyed on our way there but thanks to my awesome husband, I was able to pull it back in and enjoy our visit with them.

We went back to my parents house and by the time I was finishing up our “Frosty the Cheesy Snowman” family started to arrive. It was an awesome night with lots of food, fun, laughter, etc there were just a few things missing. Zachary, Tyler (who stopped by earlier) Griffin and Val. It was just the four youngest this year as Zachary has moved to Heaven and the others are busy. There was a hole in the night where the others should have been. That is one thing I am learning, everyone’s life moves on no matter how bad you don’t want it too, including your own.


The girls all had fun with their gift exchange and playing Tenzies and Quelfing. “Women be Quelfing on Christmas Eve” was sang more than once at the table. Giggles were had and it made the trip down so worth it.

Then, I fell apart in the car on the way home. It never fails that something is said or something happens that sets me back a little. I won’t go into details but, ending the second Christmas without Zachary would have been enough to cause tears.

We got home Christmas Eve and had Taco Bueno. I usually cook dinner but we are totally going by the seat of our pants anymore. Jonathan and Sarah ended up watching WW2 movies while I wrapped gifts. We opened Aunt JeanAnne and Uncle Jack gifts and Sarah got to open one gift before Christmas. This has always been a tradition.


Christmas morning came and went in a flash. Sarah had an amazing morning. She received lots of concert T-shirt’s and vinyl records with a player. She also received tickets to see her favorite boy singer in Dallas, TX in June. We knew if Zachary were still alive he would have petitioned for her to be allowed to go see #HarryStyles . That was his style. Anything for his little sister.

Cedrick and Melissa came over and hung out. It’s always good to have them over and catch up. We haven’t gotten to see Ced lately as he has been busy with college and working. That’s what Zachary would be doing if he were still around. We finished the evening with dinner and more movies and then I came down after the night was over again.

The main take away is that we did it. I know we don’t have a choice but we did it. We made it through another year. Although tears were shed, it is okay to shed those tears. One we love dearly is missing and I will cry every year the rest of my life on holidays, birthdays, and days in between. I’m allowing myself to feel them more than ever before and it’s helping.

Over the past three months, we have really developed a neat family unit with the three of us and are learning to really depend on each other. Sarah has started opening up and we are all still leaning in.

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and enjoyed your time with family.

Love to you all,


#suddencardiacarrest #cardiacarrhythmia #suddendeath #grief #grieving #mourn #mourning #childloss #lossofchild #mamabear #compassionatefriends #imwithyoumommy #lgbt #RSU #RogersStateUniversity #ForeverAHillcat #OKEQ #Christmas #wemissyouZach

Vintage stuff received:

#nirvana #davegrohl #greenday #niallhoran #ACDC #johnnycash #journey

Memorial Endowment Link Below:

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